Ignorance is bliss?

On the day that our lives were turned upside-down by an emergency 38-week scan, I remember begging the neurologist to put us in touch with other families with children like our as-yet unborn child. Some part of me knew – despite the medical predictions ("Your baby will never walk, or talk. He won’t be able … Continue reading Ignorance is bliss?

Breaking the chain

Last week was a tough one. My eldest was under-the-weather and whiny. My youngest was angry, violent and loud. My husband was overworked and unwell. Benjamin’s health was up and down, as usual. No-one had enough sleep. We had problems with transport, issues with medication, missed phone calls from professionals, unnecessary arguments, and at times … Continue reading Breaking the chain

Just because it’s difficult, doesn’t make it right

A few of days ago an article popped up on my timeline. It was entitled How working in an abortion clinic changed my mind about terminations, and was written by a student midwife, Lucy Kelly. A bit ‘clickbaity,’ but I was baited and I clicked. It is a beautifully written, convincing, strongly worded essay. The … Continue reading Just because it’s difficult, doesn’t make it right

A world without…

A week ago I – along with at least 50% of people on my Twitter feed, it appears – watched Sally Phillips’ emotive documentary A World Without Downs?, exploring the possible outcomes of a new, non-invasive prenatal test (NIPT) for Downs Syndrome. The test allows risk-free, early prenatal diagnosis of almost 100% of Downs Syndrome … Continue reading A world without…

To those who say my son is a drain on society

It’s about a year since I wrote a post for Scope about my disabled son, Benjamin, whom we decided to keep despite being offered a late termination of pregnancy. Amongst the many supportive comments on the post was one (swiftly removed by admin) that stuck in my mind: a comment berating me for my selfishness … Continue reading To those who say my son is a drain on society

Hypocrite

I am now 24 weeks pregnant. Twenty-four weeks and still no closer to knowing whether I will carry a healthy baby to term. With every day, with every kick, with every scan, with every "Congratulations," the hope builds, and the fear builds with it. This date marks the start of the period I find, ethically, … Continue reading Hypocrite

Thoughts from no-man’s-land

Last week, we had our twenty week scan. Everything looked normal, as we knew it would: Benjamin looked entirely normal at twenty weeks. That didn’t stop me rushing home and googling the baby’s head circumference until I found a graph that put it on the 60th percentile. That’s got to be good, right? So now … Continue reading Thoughts from no-man’s-land

Fortune favours the brave?

In retrospect, I shouldn’t have looked at the twelve-week scan. I shouldn’t have marvelled at its perfect, 6 cm long little body, its stomach, bladder and beating heart, its tiny vertebrae, arms and legs. I shouldn’t have watched it leaping summersaults in my belly. It might then have been easier not to view it as … Continue reading Fortune favours the brave?

Hypothetical questions

I almost didn’t post this. It’s personal, a bit controversial, very selfish; it may upset some readers. It doesn't even come to any conclusions. However, I needed to write it to clarify my own thoughts and, having written it, it seemed hypocritical not to publish. I’ve written before about wanting another child, and I know … Continue reading Hypothetical questions