Five things I’d change

This post was written for the #SEND30daychallenge, day 7: ‘Five things you’d change.’ We are so fortunate to live in Scotland, where there are really very few things that need to be changed so that Benjamin, and children like him, can live a safe, healthy, and happy life for as long as their biology and neurology allows them. Benjamin has many of the things that any child has a right to: shelter, food, water, sleep, love, healthcare, an education. He has these in abundance. But there are still things that Benjamin misses out on due to his special needs. Some of these are already changing; some of them need to change much faster. Here are the five things I would change for Benjamin at the moment:

Freedom from infection. Benjamin’s body – in particular his brain, stomach and lungs – is not as good at fighting infection as other children’s. If he gets a fever, it might cause a life-threatening seizure. If he gets a stomach bug, it can cause his entire digestive system to shut down and his pancreas and bowel to become inflamed. If he gets a cold, he frequently needs to be given oxygen to support his lungs. Any minor illness can put him in hospital for anything from one night to several weeks. Yet, still in this country parents flout the 48 hour rule that is designed to stop stomach bugs from spreading. Still, parents treat chickenpox as a minor illness. Still, people refuse to vaccinate their children, increasing the reservoir of infectious diseases to which Benjamin is subjected. If I could keep Benjamin in a bubble, I would. But that would not be beneficial to his growth and development, so I rely on other parents being responsible, thinking of others, putting childrens’ health above their convenience. The first thing I would change would be the culture that makes this so hard to do.

The ability to just pitch up and go on public transport. We have our car, which is great, but with a really fast rail link between us and our nearest city, it would be lovely to just be able, spontaneously, to hop on a train and go in to Edinburgh for a spot of shopping, to the movies, out to lunch, with Benjamin. Instead, we have to decide which trains we will be travelling there and back on – so no last minute decision to stay late – and book assistance and a ramp 24 hours in advance. So much for spontaneity! With trams and some buses wheelchair-accessible without assistance, it would be brilliant if our railways could move in that direction too.

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Even this little train was more accessible than the East Coast mainline

Privacy and dignity when going to the toilet. Benjamin is nearly four years old, and weighs twenty kilos. He is still in nappies, and will be for the rest of his life. He is fast getting towards the limit of what a standard baby changing table will take, if not in weight then definitely in length. We are also getting towards the limit of what our backs can safely lift out of a wheelchair and onto the floor of an ‘accessible’ toilet – if we really wanted our beautiful boy to be laid on a place where people stand to pee, a place often wet, a place with too little space to kneel beside him, a place where most people wouldn’t even put their handbag! Yet few (less than a thousand in the UK) large venues, such as shopping centres, transport hubs, and cinema complexes, have something as simple as a changing place (a toilet with a bench and hoist), so we will soon be unable to use them with Benjamin. Our alternatives are becoming limited to changing him on the floor, changing him in the boot of the car, or allowing him to sit in his own waste. If we want Benjamin to have privacy and dignity, he’ll have to stay at home. In the twenty-first century, that can’t be right, can it? If you’d also like to see this change, please sign the petition here.

The chance to play with other children during the holidays. Benjamin loves going to his special needs nursery during term-time. It’s a brilliant environment, the staff are amazing, and he has friends there. During the holidays, all that is denied to him because the one-to-one health provision that he needs in order to attend nursery isn’t available. He’s stuck at home with me, which is boring for him and guilt-inducing for me! Across the country, the lack of suitable holiday provision for children with complex needs, or profound and multiple learning difficulties (PMLD) is sadly consistent. Children lose their stimulation and impetus, their friends and fun, parents could lose their jobs. Equality shouldn’t stop during the holidays.

Access to the natural environment. Benjamin loves to watch the sunlight flickering through the leaves in a woodland. He loves to feel the sea breeze on his face. We are fortunate to live near several beautiful beaches – but sadly very few are accessible to Benjamin (although there are now a couple of brilliant beach wheelchair schemes at the larger resorts). There are steep steps, narrow bridges, soft sand, and overgrown paths. I know we can’t expect to be able to take him everywhere, but I would one day love to be able to take him to the beach.

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Maybe better wait until low tide though…

These are just a few of the things I would like to change – and that I think are changeable. The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that I skipped the #SEND30DayChallenge Day 6: ‘A letter to the Prime Minister.’ I’m sorry, Ms May, but frankly, yesterday I was stumped. I had no confidence that you would be interested, no idea what would catch your interest, no concept of how to make you care. I feel we have more hope of achieving things at local level, through local politicians, lobbying nearby businesses, engaging local people and using social media. With my five things, I feel we have a real chance of change, from the grassroots up.

What would you add? #send30daychallenge

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