On this day…

On this day, thirteen months ago, we were excitedly awaiting the arrival of the second child that would make our family complete.

… a year and three weeks ago, over the course of one eight-hour period, that dream shattered around us.

… a year and two weeks ago, we were vacillating, with two doctors on stand-by to sign the abortion form.

… a year and one week ago, we agreed to go ahead with the pregnancy and signed a “do not resuscitate form” instead.

… a year and a day ago, I was so tired of waiting, I just wanted it all to be over, one way or the other.

… one year ago, we met our beautiful, perfect little boy, Benjamin Matthew*.

… eleven months ago, we tore up the “do not resuscitate form.”

… five months ago, he first smiled his big, delighted smile.

… two weeks ago, he started playing with his hands.

Benjamin, you continue to surprise, delight us and enrich us every day. You are not defined by an MRI scan, a list of symptoms, or a dot on the geneticists’ graph. You are the most loving, accepting, contented soul. You do make us complete. I promise to love you and care for you always. Happy Birthday.

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*This blog has been relatively well-received so far – thank you – and hasn’t (to my knowledge) greatly offended anyone, so I feel safe to start using our real names from now on. Most of my readers know who we are anyway, and at least it will make for fewer convoluted sentences where I try to make it clear exactly which “he” refers to whom!

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